Feeling like a monday

For the first 3 months I kept thinking that I am a loser. With a lot of difficulty, adjustment, acceptance I managed to keep going. It required crashing your ego and aspirations.
But as much as you curb these things, they come back at certain moments, and they come back with greater intensity. And all your balance is blown away.
You look back at what you have done. And you feel sorry for yourself. You feel like telling yourself what a loser you have been. And the problem is that no one can understand.
But then life moves on, you dont have any alternative. I suppose almost everybody achieves less than their aspirations and potential. Then why does it hurt so much. Specially why does it hurt when you hear about someone still fighting, and apparently achieving. I think ppl who do not realize the futility of these small achievements, who never aim high. And feel happy about their achievements. This is a better state than knowing that these small goals are not going to help. And then you think that maybe you are wrong.
Ppl who feel happy when they enter their first cubicle. Feel happy to join a big company. Not realizing that they dont mean anything to this world. They dont mean anything to themselves either. You keep hopping from one company to the next. You keep getting your hikes and your gifts. Its better to sit at home, write or paint or read and earn nothing at all but something to eat and drink. At least you have an identity.
I think its not the best way to think. Life will certainly show an opening. After all "Life finds its own way"
Monday showed some bad moments. I hope the rest of the week goes better. :(